Funeral Shift's Impact on How We "Do" Church

Over the years of attending and officiating funerals, there are a few shifts that are interesting.

The rise of the picture slideshow is among the more obvious ones. Not long ago I would ask if the family would like tables set up for pictures to be displayed at the entrances of the sanctuary. This happens occasionally, but by in large the pictures are all digital and all on a slideshow halfway through the funeral. Perhaps not a big deal but it is notable.

The shift from calling it a funeral to calling it a memorial or a celebration of life is also fairly common. It makes sense that we want to remember the life and not the death of our loved ones. I get it. This may not be a big deal, but it is notable.

These are obvious shifts, which all point to the more subtle and yet more profound shift. There is a shift in funerals in what is being said. Specifically, the funeral is becoming a place where the plea is “Do not forget me.” This is a shift from what funerals had been for so long. Part of the point of a Christian funeral is the community promising “we will remember you.”

Shifting from “we will remember you” to “don’t forget me” may not be a big deal, it is. It suggests that we are more aware of how disconnected and unrooted we are from one another and a place. We move from place to place and from people to people, so of course when we die we are concerned that we will be forgotten, so we ask that we would be remembered. Our final request echoes our deep longing for relationships that are so meaningful that there is no way we would be forgotten.

The more disconnected we are from long time friends, family, a place and a community the less likely we are to have these deep and meaningful connections. The Church is a place that says, in part, there is no need to worry about being forgotten because we promise we will remember you. There is no way we could forget you. You are important and valuable to us and this community that we promise to tell your stories and see your love in this place.

Churches may be “old fashioned” and slow to change. Churches are not “nimble” and churches often don’t have the means to adapt to the “new”. Some see this as a detriment to the church and are looking to change it. It makes sense that we would want to change the church and make it more relevant so that people don’t forget the Church. This sounds similar to the funeral shift. Rather than asking “don’t forget us” the Church could be investing into the lives of people so deeply that there is no way that the Church would be forgotten.

Perhaps the most faithful Church is the one that when someone dies, the community says, “we will remember you.”

The Proof of the Resurrection

How do we know that the resurrection is true? It is a question that Christians wrestle with and are asked every Easter. How can we know that this story of Jesus being raised by God after being dead for days is true? 

There are many good spirited Christians who attempt to provide a material response, or proof, to this question. They might point to an empty tomb. They might point to the stories in the Bible of first-hand witnesses. They might point to some relic of the past or some physical location to bolster the truth claim that Jesus was raised. Given our current levels of suspicion and skepticism, it seems that even if there was video footage of the empty tomb there would not be universal acceptance of the resurrection. And when we think about it, more people have converted to Christianity who have not seen an empty tomb than those who have seen an empty tomb. This suggests that the early Christians understood something that we may have forgotten: We know the resurrection is true and that Jesus is alive not because the tomb is empty but because we are not afraid of death. 

St. Athanasius of Alexandra makes this claim in his book “On the Incarnation of the Word” when he says, “A very strong proof of this destruction of death and its conquest by the cross is supplied by a present fact, namely this. All the disciples of Christ despise death; they take the offensive against it and, instead of fearing it, by the sign of the cross and by faith in Christ trample on it as on something dead.” 

The Easter is the season we are invited to witness that death has died on the cross and therefore no longer has any power. As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 15:55, “Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” It is in these days we come to witness that in the death of Jesus, the power of death is destroyed.

Christ leaving an empty tomb may change your mind, but Christ defeating death will change your heart.

WeCroak app and the desert wisdom

Hoping for a better year is rooted in our clinging to life. And while life is good, when we cling to life we fear death. When we fear death then we are not living the Christian life. Christian spirituality is, at its core, about embracing death. Not in a macabre or violent way, but in a way the trusts that death is not the last word. Embracing death removes any fear we have of death and when the fear of death is removed then power of death is gone - because the only power we give death is fear. 

There is a little app on my phone that I have been living with for a few weeks now called WeCroak. I came across this app in a wonderful little write up in the Atlantic and I cannot recommend this app or the Atlantic article enough. The only thing the app does is remind you at five random times in the day that you are going to die. In fact the message looks like this:

https://www.inlander.com/spokane/searching-for-the-meaning-of-death-theres-an-app-for-that/Content?oid=7382589

While the creator of this app was inspired by the practice of reflecting on death in Budhaism called Maransati the centrality of death is present in many traditions. Jesus talked about picking up your cross and the desert wisdom placed death at the center of many teachings. For instance here is this clever little story:

 "They told the story of a hermit who was dying in Scetis. The brothers stood round his bed, clothed him, and began to weep. But he opened his eyes and began to laugh; this happened three times. So the brothers asked him, "Abba, why are you laughing when we are weeping?" He told them, "I laughed the first time because you fear death; I laughed the second time because you are not ready for death; I laughed the third time because I am passing from labor to rest, and yet you weep." As he said this, he closed his eyes and died."

In the coming year, may you let go of clinging to life so that you may embrace death - even just a little bit. I know it is scary, however it is when we let go and trust that death is not the last word we experience resurrection. 

At least that is the Gospel.

No Longer Asking How I Want to be Remembered

Photo by Madison Grooms on Unsplash

Today marks what is known in the liturgical calendar as All Saint's Day. It is the day the Church remembers the saints who have died and who continue to teach and guide us even as they are no longer walking among us. Those who have come before us have much to teach us, if we could take the time to listen and see. 

Many of us think about how we want to be remembered when we die. This is a fine question. It forces us to consider the ways we live our lives and the story that people tell about us. It is a social check to encourage people to be kind and generous. You don't want to be remembered as a curmudgeon do you? 

Recently, I heard someone say that they used to ask themselves how they wanted to be remembered, but then something dawned on them. How they want to be remembered is not as interesting compared to the question, "Why do I want to be remembered at all?" 

The question of how we want to be remembered challenges our outward actions, but why we want to be remembered challenges our desires and motivations. It is our desires that drive action, thus our desires need to be examined and vetted.

Why do you want to be remembered at all?