young people

My young adult has left the Church (part 3)

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This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

Engage in authentic conversations. The life stage of adolescents is a time which we all begin to recognize many of the hypocrisies of the world and we begin to get that healthy dose (sometimes an overdose) of cynicism. And as young adults begin to deal with more and more cultural influences of cynicism, there is a longing for that which is authentic and real. The recent years rise of all things zombie, vampire, fantasy and magical and the ever closing gap of flesh and bone and computer animation, are all cultural clues that we are all struggling with the question "what is reality?". (see The Matrix, Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind, What the Bleep do we know, to name a few movies). With the question of what is real hovering over our heads like a spaceship in the movie Avatar, we are moving deeper toward a desire to grasp onto anything that is "real" and hold onto that for dear life. For instance, pain and death are realities and many young people are deeply drawn to the macabre and the violent. I do not think this means we young people are demented, rather, we are grasping for and holding onto that which we know is real and will not change - pain and death. There are other things which are realities which do not change, such as new life and the power of nature. This might be why many young people I talk with are also drawn to movements life: pro-life, anti-war, green, etc.

In light of many of the cultural influences and nudges, the desire for something real and with meaning, something authentic, something without agenda or alternative motives, is missing in the world of the young adult. This is where the Church has a great gift to share!

Engaging in authentic conversations means listening to your young adult, yes, but it also is an active action. That is listening is one thing, but asking clarifying questions, truly trying to understand their story, shedding our own plastic masks is also a large part of authentic listening. Ask questions that force your young adult to try to put specific language to what they feel or think, but not in an attempt to trap or persuade them. The intent in these conversations is to be in conversation. When we in conversation with someone who respects you and feels like they are heard and you are not trying to force you to be something, is a formula for Grace to be shared. And, really that is what we should be about - sharing Grace.

As you engage in authentic conversation with young adults you will build that relationship and that is all you can really do. Once you have that relationship you and I have hope and faith that God will move and work for whatever helps that young person become an agent of Grace in this world.

So to recap:

Don't Panic.

Share your Story.

Engage in authentic conversation.

Allow the Grace of God through the Spirit to become realized.

My young adult has left the Church (part 2)

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This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

Not that anyone has been waiting with baited breath on these next thoughts, but I did want to continue to share the things I have heard to be helpful for parents of young adults who have left the church or Christianity. If you did not get a chance to read the first part of the conversation you can find part one just below this post. Here is another action to consider...

Share your Story in your local church or small groups. I promise there is someone else in your groups who share your story (albeit will different characters and little nuances). I had a parent tell me about their son leaving church and the next Sunday another parent in the same Sunday School class told me of their son leaving church. The thing was, neither parent knew about the other and how similar their stories were! When you share your story you will not only find others who share your feelings, but you will also give courage to others around you to talk about things which might have once been taboo. When you share your story you help break down the plastic faces we have been taught to bring to church (by the way, these plastic faces are what many young people are rejecting). Share your Story.

My young adult has left the Church (part 1)

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This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

Over the past many months I have been approached by several parents of young adults who have, in some form or fashion, rejected the Church or the Christian religion in some form. I am sure it is because I am of the same cohort of their child or because I am a minister or these parents love their child or (more likely) a combination of reasons, these wonderful parents ask for guidance. After many conversations with parents who tell me the same story (albeit with different characters and little nuances) it has given me cause to write down what I have been sharing with these parents. This is not a formula on "how to get your kid back in church". Nor is it by any means going to be 100% effective in all situations, but generally speaking, I have found these steps to be a good starting point for these parents (or so they have shared with me).

1) If you have a child who is leaving church or religion, do not panic. This may be difficult to do in the moment, but panic is a reaction and in a "status update/twitter" world, reactions are all young people get and know how to fuel (with more shock). Do not panic.

This might be enough for right now. Check back in two days and I will post the other actions I have found to be helpful for adults who find themselves at a loss with their young adult.

14 Things Older Leaders Should Know About Younger Leaders part 2

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I did not write this, but I want to share it with not only the older leaders of the Church but also for the younger leaders of the church.  Also for anyone who has ever entered into Church.

I am going to pull a few of the points from the original post and add some comments. 



6. Not willing to wait. Young leaders are ambitious and passionate about making a difference now. Not willing to wait their turn. They want to influence now. Evidence of this is the explosion of church planters in the last 4-5 years. Reality is you are never really “ready” for anything. Some say that you should wait until you are “mature” enough to pursue certain things in life. But we’re never really ready, are we? At 22, I didn’t think I was ready. At 25, I didn’t think I “knew” enough. As my friends from the UK would say…“Rubbish!”

In a post 9-11 world, many young people have a very strong understanding of how quickly life can be taken from us.  Which is why in many ways young church leaders are not willing to wait for a lot of things in life.  This is only re-enforced with the "instant" world we find ourselves in, but more that that it is a healthy understanding that life is fragile and to sit around and wait for things to happen when we could actually do things right now, even if they are not perfect, is something that really gets on young church leaders.  

7. See social justice as the norm. Leaders who care about the poor and lean into causes and see the social gospel as a key ingredient to following Christ are no longer seen as the exception. Young leaders see taking care of the poor and sharing the Gospel as BOTH crucial to the advancement of the Church and of God’s Kingdom. Twenty-somethings, I believe, are and will continue to become more balanced in their pursuit of both. They don’t have to be one or the other.

Micah 6:8 theology is not only deeply rooted in young church leaders, but it also connects to the idea that life is short. As such, we ought to be working, in the words of John Wesley, to "do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can to all the people you can, as long as ever you can."  Mission is the new norm, even in worship.