Church

My young adult has left the Church (reengaging the conversation)

in , , , , ,

This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

Over the course of this conversation I have heard from many people who were in the Church and then through a number of things (unresolved questions, irrational logic, inability to reconcile ideas, frustration with "church folk" or religion, etc.) which have become too much for many people and they have left the Church. Many people are labeling this group the "deChurched" (which by the way we all know labels have a number of limitations which are not going to be considered at this time but they are noted in the back of my mind).

The "deChurched" group is really the group which I feel called to focus much energy toward. Not to "reclaim" them as "lost souls", but to seek a relationship with this group of people and learn what it is about the Christian faith they have rejected. As I listen to some of the "deChurched" I hear three things that seem to keep coming up that seem to be the stickiest of the sticky points.

1) God image (who or what is God like).

2) Issues of theodicy (why there is evil in the world).

3) Pluralism issues (is any religion the only way to a relationship with God).

I know there are many issues and there are many others who have taken these issues on in more in depth ways I wanted to focus the conversation here on this blog to these three issues which keep coming up in many of the conversations I have with people from the "Unchurched" to the "Churched" to the "deChurched".

SIDE NOTE - If you are interested, Brian Mclaren's book "A New Kind of Christianity" takes on 10 questions where I have only selected 3. It was a wonderful read and one which forces the Christian reader to de-construct our faith in order to find our roots. I recommend it for all Christians and any non-Christians who may be interested in learning more about a Christian faith which may take more seriously the questions than other expressions of Christian faith.

So, without getting to far into it, the next three posts are going to look at these above topics in a very surface way in order to engage a conversation with any community of readers that stumble upon this blog.

My young adult has left the Church (part 3)

in , , , , ,

This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

Engage in authentic conversations. The life stage of adolescents is a time which we all begin to recognize many of the hypocrisies of the world and we begin to get that healthy dose (sometimes an overdose) of cynicism. And as young adults begin to deal with more and more cultural influences of cynicism, there is a longing for that which is authentic and real. The recent years rise of all things zombie, vampire, fantasy and magical and the ever closing gap of flesh and bone and computer animation, are all cultural clues that we are all struggling with the question "what is reality?". (see The Matrix, Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind, What the Bleep do we know, to name a few movies). With the question of what is real hovering over our heads like a spaceship in the movie Avatar, we are moving deeper toward a desire to grasp onto anything that is "real" and hold onto that for dear life. For instance, pain and death are realities and many young people are deeply drawn to the macabre and the violent. I do not think this means we young people are demented, rather, we are grasping for and holding onto that which we know is real and will not change - pain and death. There are other things which are realities which do not change, such as new life and the power of nature. This might be why many young people I talk with are also drawn to movements life: pro-life, anti-war, green, etc.

In light of many of the cultural influences and nudges, the desire for something real and with meaning, something authentic, something without agenda or alternative motives, is missing in the world of the young adult. This is where the Church has a great gift to share!

Engaging in authentic conversations means listening to your young adult, yes, but it also is an active action. That is listening is one thing, but asking clarifying questions, truly trying to understand their story, shedding our own plastic masks is also a large part of authentic listening. Ask questions that force your young adult to try to put specific language to what they feel or think, but not in an attempt to trap or persuade them. The intent in these conversations is to be in conversation. When we in conversation with someone who respects you and feels like they are heard and you are not trying to force you to be something, is a formula for Grace to be shared. And, really that is what we should be about - sharing Grace.

As you engage in authentic conversation with young adults you will build that relationship and that is all you can really do. Once you have that relationship you and I have hope and faith that God will move and work for whatever helps that young person become an agent of Grace in this world.

So to recap:

Don't Panic.

Share your Story.

Engage in authentic conversation.

Allow the Grace of God through the Spirit to become realized.

My young adult has left the Church (part 2)

in , , , , ,

This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

Not that anyone has been waiting with baited breath on these next thoughts, but I did want to continue to share the things I have heard to be helpful for parents of young adults who have left the church or Christianity. If you did not get a chance to read the first part of the conversation you can find part one just below this post. Here is another action to consider...

Share your Story in your local church or small groups. I promise there is someone else in your groups who share your story (albeit will different characters and little nuances). I had a parent tell me about their son leaving church and the next Sunday another parent in the same Sunday School class told me of their son leaving church. The thing was, neither parent knew about the other and how similar their stories were! When you share your story you will not only find others who share your feelings, but you will also give courage to others around you to talk about things which might have once been taboo. When you share your story you help break down the plastic faces we have been taught to bring to church (by the way, these plastic faces are what many young people are rejecting). Share your Story.

My young adult has left the Church (part 1)

in , , , , ,

This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

Over the past many months I have been approached by several parents of young adults who have, in some form or fashion, rejected the Church or the Christian religion in some form. I am sure it is because I am of the same cohort of their child or because I am a minister or these parents love their child or (more likely) a combination of reasons, these wonderful parents ask for guidance. After many conversations with parents who tell me the same story (albeit with different characters and little nuances) it has given me cause to write down what I have been sharing with these parents. This is not a formula on "how to get your kid back in church". Nor is it by any means going to be 100% effective in all situations, but generally speaking, I have found these steps to be a good starting point for these parents (or so they have shared with me).

1) If you have a child who is leaving church or religion, do not panic. This may be difficult to do in the moment, but panic is a reaction and in a "status update/twitter" world, reactions are all young people get and know how to fuel (with more shock). Do not panic.

This might be enough for right now. Check back in two days and I will post the other actions I have found to be helpful for adults who find themselves at a loss with their young adult.