Over the years of attending and officiating funerals, there are a few shifts that are interesting.
The rise of the picture slideshow is among the more obvious ones. Not long ago I would ask if the family would like tables set up for pictures to be displayed at the entrances of the sanctuary. This happens occasionally, but by in large the pictures are all digital and all on a slideshow halfway through the funeral. Perhaps not a big deal but it is notable.
The shift from calling it a funeral to calling it a memorial or a celebration of life is also fairly common. It makes sense that we want to remember the life and not the death of our loved ones. I get it. This may not be a big deal, but it is notable.
These are obvious shifts, which all point to the more subtle and yet more profound shift. There is a shift in funerals in what is being said. Specifically, the funeral is becoming a place where the plea is “Do not forget me.” This is a shift from what funerals had been for so long. Part of the point of a Christian funeral is the community promising “we will remember you.”
Shifting from “we will remember you” to “don’t forget me” may not be a big deal, it is. It suggests that we are more aware of how disconnected and unrooted we are from one another and a place. We move from place to place and from people to people, so of course when we die we are concerned that we will be forgotten, so we ask that we would be remembered. Our final request echoes our deep longing for relationships that are so meaningful that there is no way we would be forgotten.
The more disconnected we are from long time friends, family, a place and a community the less likely we are to have these deep and meaningful connections. The Church is a place that says, in part, there is no need to worry about being forgotten because we promise we will remember you. There is no way we could forget you. You are important and valuable to us and this community that we promise to tell your stories and see your love in this place.
Churches may be “old fashioned” and slow to change. Churches are not “nimble” and churches often don’t have the means to adapt to the “new”. Some see this as a detriment to the church and are looking to change it. It makes sense that we would want to change the church and make it more relevant so that people don’t forget the Church. This sounds similar to the funeral shift. Rather than asking “don’t forget us” the Church could be investing into the lives of people so deeply that there is no way that the Church would be forgotten.
Perhaps the most faithful Church is the one that when someone dies, the community says, “we will remember you.”
