Funeral Shift's Impact on How We "Do" Church

Over the years of attending and officiating funerals, there are a few shifts that are interesting.

The rise of the picture slideshow is among the more obvious ones. Not long ago I would ask if the family would like tables set up for pictures to be displayed at the entrances of the sanctuary. This happens occasionally, but by in large the pictures are all digital and all on a slideshow halfway through the funeral. Perhaps not a big deal but it is notable.

The shift from calling it a funeral to calling it a memorial or a celebration of life is also fairly common. It makes sense that we want to remember the life and not the death of our loved ones. I get it. This may not be a big deal, but it is notable.

These are obvious shifts, which all point to the more subtle and yet more profound shift. There is a shift in funerals in what is being said. Specifically, the funeral is becoming a place where the plea is “Do not forget me.” This is a shift from what funerals had been for so long. Part of the point of a Christian funeral is the community promising “we will remember you.”

Shifting from “we will remember you” to “don’t forget me” may not be a big deal, it is. It suggests that we are more aware of how disconnected and unrooted we are from one another and a place. We move from place to place and from people to people, so of course when we die we are concerned that we will be forgotten, so we ask that we would be remembered. Our final request echoes our deep longing for relationships that are so meaningful that there is no way we would be forgotten.

The more disconnected we are from long time friends, family, a place and a community the less likely we are to have these deep and meaningful connections. The Church is a place that says, in part, there is no need to worry about being forgotten because we promise we will remember you. There is no way we could forget you. You are important and valuable to us and this community that we promise to tell your stories and see your love in this place.

Churches may be “old fashioned” and slow to change. Churches are not “nimble” and churches often don’t have the means to adapt to the “new”. Some see this as a detriment to the church and are looking to change it. It makes sense that we would want to change the church and make it more relevant so that people don’t forget the Church. This sounds similar to the funeral shift. Rather than asking “don’t forget us” the Church could be investing into the lives of people so deeply that there is no way that the Church would be forgotten.

Perhaps the most faithful Church is the one that when someone dies, the community says, “we will remember you.”

Remeber: Broken bread means no more broken bodies

At the gathering of the disciples Jesus said that the bread was no longer just bread but it was like his body broken for all. Likewise the cup of wine was like his blood poured out for the forgiveness of sin. And to this day Christians have been breaking bread and pouring wine in remembrance of Christ. 

Sometimes we Christians don't know what we are supposed to remember. There are many things that Jesus did and who he was. There is the great sacrifice that he made and that is where I wanted to call attention. 

It is not enough to remember the sacrifice of Christ. Remembering is not an act of just pondering or recalling. If we don't allow our remembering of the past to impact our present and thus changes our future, then we are just recalling. We are not remembering.

When Jesus says that his body is broken for sin, that means that no other bodies need to be broken for sin. And his blood is poured out for reconciliation of the world that means no other blood needs to be spilled to "make things right". 

When we remember this, the world is transformed. When we recall this, the world is unchanged.

Forgiving and Forgetting - A recipe for failure?

There is this little passage in the book of Matthew, you may have heard of it: "Then Peter came and said to him, ‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’Jesus said to him, ‘Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times."

For the longest time I always read the scenario Peter puts out there in this way. Someone steals Peters donkey thus sins against him. Peter is to forgive. But then that same person sins against Peter again by spreading rumors about him. Peter is to forgive that as well. Then that same person sins against Peter by bringing false charges against him. Peter is to forgive that as well. At some point, the question becomes - how many times do I have to forgive this person who keeps committing sins against me? Jesus says, seventy seven (a number designed to be so high that one cannot keep count and thus forgiveness to the number of infractions is endless.

This interpretation is reinforced by the "forgive and forget" idea. In which we are to forgive something and then wipe it from our minds and forget it ever happened. It seems that forgive and forget is not humanly possible. In fact if there is one verb in the bible that reoccurs the most it may be the word "remember". We are to remember all sorts of things, Gods grace, the covenants, the exodus, commandements, care for the sojourner and outcast, etc. It can be argued that it was when the people forgot was when they got into the most trouble in the Bible. As it is said, those who forget history are bound to repeat it. 

Some might say, but if we remember the sins of others (and don't forgive and forget) are we not disobeying the very teaching of Jesus at the beginning of this post? Are we not commanded to forgive forever? Remembering the sins of others does not mean we hold grudges or that we resent others. Perhaps this is what Jesus means when we should forgive seventy seven times. We are to forgive the same (single) sin seventy seven times. 

Jesus knows we are not able to forgive and forget. In fact to do so may be irresponsible on some sins. But if we do not forget the sin then we can fall into the trap of resentment. Knowing we cannot forget past sins and trying to help us avoid resentment toward others, Jesus may very well be saying, if someone steals you donkey you have to forgive that sin seventy seven times. If someone spreads rumors about you, forgive that sin seventy seven times. False charges - forgive that seventy seven times. 

Could it be that Jesus is saying, forgive someone who sins against you as many times as you remember that sin - seventy seven times. We cannot forget the hurts others cause us, but we can remember to forgive every time we see those wounds.

High School reunions and a walking Bible

Recently I attended a wedding of a friend that I met when I was in High School. This resulted in something of a mini-high school reunion without having all the awkwardness of facing someone that you cannot recall their name.

We did what I am sure all reunions of all sorts do - we told stories. "Do you remember when..." "Let me tell you about the time 'this guy' did..." "That was a blast, and so was..." 

Participating in this ritual of storytelling I was confronted with the reality of multi-truth in this world. I have a sense of who I am and it is that sense of self that informs my current action and thought. I tend to think that I am a rather cautious person - thus I don't have a motorcycle. I tend to think that I am a compassionate person who is sensitive to others - thus I don't ridicule people. 

I was reminded that while I may see myself in these ways, friends may see me differently. I have my truth about who I am, but when my friends tell stories about me, they remind me of other truths about myself. 

I am cautious, but I also started roman candle wars and ran face first into anothers knee. 

I am compassionate, but I also put up a poster all around school making fun of a teacher. 

The thing is, I am all of those things. We all are more complex than just the simple narrative we tell about ourselves. We are both sinner and saint. We have a wonderful mixture of blessing and cursing within us. We are more than one flat narrative, we are more than one Truth. We are each a walking collection of stories that tell all sorts of truths about who we are and what our nature is about. In this respect, we each are like walking Bibles - we are a collection of stories that are somewhat loosely connected, some of which we tell all the time and some of which we are very embarrassed of and try to forget and other stories we just don't know but others may.