Pastor, I know you are busy...

About every fourth or fifth email I receive and about half of every phone conversation I have, I hear something like, “I know you are busy, but…” I cannot speak for every pastor but I believe that this modified story from the spirituality of the desert story might speak for many clergy - including myself:

There was a student who went to a teacher and asked for a word. The teacher shared a word with the student who went back home. The next day the student forgot what the teacher had said, so the student returned to the teacher.

“I am sorry teacher, but I have forgotten what you said yesterday. Can you share a word with me?”

The teacher spent a little more time with the student this second time, and then the student went back home.

A week later, the student returned and said, “Teacher, I am so sorry to bother you and I have asked now two times, but I have forgotten and would you share a word?”

The teacher sat all day with the student before the student returned home.

After two weeks, the student returned to the teacher. The student felt ashamed and was embarrassed to ask the teacher, yet one more time, “I know you are busy, and I know that I have taken a lot of your time already, but I have forgotten what you said. Could you remind me again?”

At this point the teacher took the table lamp that was to his right and asked the student to pass him a candle that was on the entry table. The teacher lit the candle, handed it to the student, and asked the student for a second candle from the entry table. The teacher lit the second candle, handed it to the student who was asked to retrieve a third and then a fourth candle.

The teacher lifted the lamp up and looed at the student who was now holding four lit candles. The teacher said, “Is the lamp diminished because it gave some of its light to the four candles?”

The student understood and said, “No.”

Never again did the student hesitate to visit the teacher and both of their homes became full of light.

Diagnosed with “Foot in Mouth” Syndrom

Foot-in-Mouth Apology T-Shirt
by LovelyDesigns4U

One of the things about being a pastor is trying to strike up conversations with people who have varying degrees of expectations of what a pastor is/does. Some people desire that the pastor know a lot about their lives while others have the pastor on a need to know basis. I am still learning to be comfortable with who I am and as such I tend to over-function and want to try to meet others expectations of me rather than focus on what I am called to do/be.

This over-functioning in order to try to meet the expectations of others leads to the diagnoses of “foot in mouth” disease. Perhaps you have this diagnosis as well? Let me share a few of my more memorable afflictions:

• I asked a seminar leader for specific advice before the conference began. When the conference began the first rule that was shared was not to bother the leader with specific advice. The leader looked right at me when the rule was shared.
• I asked if someone got some sun over the weekend, only to be told that the redness is a skin condition.
•  I stood on the General Conference floor (the governing body of the entire UMC) and asked a three minute question in order to clarify where we were in the proceedings in the hopes of moving the body forward only to be told after the explanation that all I had to do was say, “I call the question.”
• I said the wrong last name at a wedding.
• I gave looked Joe in the eyes for a year as I said, “The body of Christ broken for you Joe.” Only to be told when he moved that his name is not Joe.
• I welcomed a family to worship and asked their son if he liked superman. The parents shared with me that their nine year old was their daughter.
• I asked a member of AA if they ever wanted to get a drink with me to talk about their life I would open to that.

Perhaps you have your own situations. I share these in order to remind us you that we all mess up in social situations. I have foot in mouth. Sometimes I mess up so bad people leave the church or I just embarrass myself or make it awkward. I wait patiently for a cure for Foot in Mouth, but until then I trust in the Grace of God and God’s people when I step in it.

Why your pastor should love complaints

There are 150 Psalms in the Christian Bible and roughly 1/3 of them are laments. Laments are structured ways to complain against God and as Rev. Estee Valendy noted in her sermon, interwoven in the lament are expressions of faith and hope. 

Humans love to complain but hate to hear them. Irony at it's finest. But the reality is, your pastor should love complaints. Complaints are ways for people to deal with their feelings and emotions. It is natural and healthy to share these feelings, remember 1/3 of the Psalms in the Bible are complaints. However, our culture does not like those who complain. So what are we to do with these feelings? Most of the time we push them down and do not allow them to surface except when we rehearse the script of what we want to say while we are driving. We do not have a healthy place to confront these feelings and complaints and they begin to fester in us only to manifest in other ways, such as road rage. 

The fact of the matter is part of the reason pastors should love complaints is that there is one place left where complaints are accepted and heard - the Church. The promise of the Church is that when you come to complain, the Church will not leave you or cast you aside. The Church of Christ hears your cry and will not take it personally, but will have the courage to sit with you even as you cast stones at her. 

Pastors should love hearing complaints because it means that people are finding ways to address their feelings in mature and healthy ways. And ultimately that is role of the pastor, to help people move toward maturity in Christ.

So I remind you that if you have complaints, don't push them down. Perhaps write them down, but do not fear your complaints. And if you are afraid of your complaints, then share them with your pastor. We are here to stand by you so you are not alone.