When Lack Becomes Loss

Peter Rollins continues to be a thinker that challenges me beyond what I am capable of thinking. While I listen or read him I feel like I understand in the moment, but as soon as try to explain it I fall apart. Not unlike when I walk confidently into a room only to enter that room and instantly forget what I came into that room for.

Rollins mentioned that there is “lack” and “loss”.

Both lack and loss are about an absence in our lives. Lack is about an absence that was never present, loss is about an absence that was present. I lack about a foot in height and overall skill to play basketball well. I never had that height or skill to begin with. However, I can loose my car keys that I thought were in my pocket.

The Bible speaks of humans created with lack, not loss.In Genesis at creation it is said that when God blew into the nostrils of the dirt, the dirt became “nephish.” Nephish means a bundle or collection of desires or appetites. The human being has appetites not because we lost something (like food) but because we have a lack that drives us (hunger drives us to find food). We can address the lack with healthier or non-healthier things, but the lack is not something that can ever be extinguished.

Someone can lack acceptance, and no matter how many awards they receive there is never enough. This person never received acceptance to begin with, it cannot be lost because it was never acquired in early life.

The problem is when we think our lack is a loss. That is to say, if we think that there was a time when humans were once complete, whole and without lacking anything, but then we lost it - we are mistaking our lack for loss. If we think that we can go back to another time (Eden, 1950’s, 1990’s, etc.) and “rediscover” what we lost - we are mistaking our lack for loss. If we think that our individual lives was without antagonism at some point in our past - we are mistaking our lack for loss. We have not loss anything, Jesus reminds us the Kingdom of Heaven is here and to come (unfolding). We never lost it, we only lack it.

Treating our lack as a loss means that we live our lives seeing the lack within us is a problem to resolve, rather than a source of energy. If we were to resolve our lack, it might be the most miserable thing we could do. As it is said, the only thing worse then not getting what you want is getting it. Because once you get it you realize that “it” cannot meet the lack within and you will be crushed. It is crushing to discover that the thing that you want, that you think will fill the lack, does not exist. The quest of life to fill the lack is revealed as a sham and so we fall into dismay.

Like the end of the movie The Graduate. The two went through hell and back in order to fill the lack in their lives. Then as they sat on the bus with the one they thought would fill the lack, they discover the lack is still present (“Hello darkness my old friend…").

Be mindful of the preacher or prophet who preaches that your lack is a loss and that they have what you have lost. You will not find it, because it was never lost to begin with.

Identity Theft? How About Identity Loss

Identity theft is real and causes a tom of damage to people's lives that can take years to straighten out. As such, and rightly so, identity theft gets a lot of press coverage. And as common as identity theft may be identity loss may be just as common. 

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Identity loss is that thing that happens when we identify as someone but then, due to many and varied reasons, we no longer do/can. This happens to us throughout our lives, like when we move from one job to another and you now identify as "the boss". It also happens at all ages, like when a child moves through grade school and no longer identifies as the "big kids". It can happen very suddenly, like when a child is born and you no longer identify as single. It can also happen gradually, like when you realize that you no longer are the one everyone seeks advise from.

When one is a victim of identity theft, there are a number of people who can help you recover lost money or property. A credit card company can cancel the transaction, the bank can track the check, the website will issue new passwords, government can track down thieves, insurance can cover the loss, etc. 

When we experience identity loss, often times we are on our own. We just have to feel our way into a new identity, like when a child dies and we no longer identify as the "parent of ...". We have to just "suck it up" that things are different now when we are fired and we are not "employee". We have to quickly "get over it" when our team moves and we no longer identify as a "Brooklyn Dodger fan". There can be social stigma around the middle aged man who dates younger women or the middle aged woman who dresses like a twenty year old might neither who are able to let go of an identity. We do not know what to do when we are no longer identified as a "leader". We do not know what to do when after an accident and we are no longer able to identify as a "soccer player".  

I believe this is in part why the Church is needed in the world. Church has rituals that help when we suffer from some forms of identity loss. This is why weddings, funerals, baptisms, singing, corporate worship and other rituals and practices of the Church matter. We use ritual to grieve the identity loss so that we can explore and embrace a new identity. 

Additionally, the Church is the place that says that you have an identity that cannot be stolen and you cannot lose - you are forever identified as a beautiful, beloved child of God.

Forever.