What is the training of a Christian?

When I was younger I played soccer. I was above average, but no Messi. Becoming a soccer player required training: first I had to learn to dribble, then pass, then trap the ball, then pass with accuracy, then shoot, then learn to play with others, read the field, see the space, formations, timing, etc. This training took years to get decent at. Countless hours a week with coaches and others in practice and games.

And that was just something as simple as soccer.

Becoming a Christian requires more training than we are want to believe. (We forget that the disciple were with Jesus all the time for three years and they still did not get it.)

What is the training of a Christian?

John Cassian suggests that there is a training process that one engages to develop into a Christian. In the the fourth book of The Institutes he describes this process:

First it begins with the fear of the Lord that is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10).  What this means is that one must come first to see they are in need. To put it another way, the fear of the Lord means that we admit that the current models of our lives are leading us poorly and we need a new model to guide our lives.

We cannot adopt a new model while holding onto our original model. We cannot worship two gods (Matthew 6:24). This is why we must renounce our first models/gods. We must repent. This repentance is total. It is a repentance of all the objects, values, teachings and ways of the original model. It is impossible to learn a new life while holding onto the “way we used to do it”. It would be like learning to play basketball while still using a soccer players mindset, skills, tools and techniques. It does not work that way.

When we renounce our previous ways/models we are like a beginner. And there is nothing more humbling than being a beginner at anything. Which may be why we do not repent or renounce totally. We hold on to some things so we are not tossed into beginner status. However, when we are able to renounce/repent our previous life, dreams and desires fall away and die.

As Jesus said that a seed must fall to the ground and die in order to grow (John 12:24). When our old ways and models have died, then we are able to receive what the new model has for us. This new model, Christ, trains us in virtues that produce the fruits of the spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

The person who produces such fruits of the spirit has an altogether new heart, what we might call the purity of heart. It is, as Jesus says, the pure in heart that see God (Matthew 5:8).

This training takes a lifetime and it is not easy. It breaks us down into being a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). In this training, you may see that this does not begin by training people to just be better humans. It does not start with behavior modification to be more loving or kind or forgiving. It understands that we are unable to be loving, kind and forgiving as long as we living out of a sense of self and without seeing that we are in need. Without seeing that we are in fact in need we will reserve our love, mercy and forgiveness for only those who “deserve” or “earn” or who are “worthy”. Until we repent and renounce this way of living, we will not see God.

We will just see ourselves as god.

Chances Are Your Using Tough Love Wrong

Visual depiction of how we think of tough love.

I live in Texas and in Texas we have a culture of being tough. We pride ourselves on being full of grit, dirt and a pick up truck. And so in Texas we use a phrase that maybe you have heard or use yourself - tough love.

You may be thinking, “Jason, I thought that I read somewhere that love was patient and kind. It is something that is not envious or boastful. I though love was not proud, dishonoring, self-seeking or eastly angered. I thought love keeps no record of wrongs or delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. I thought love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres and never fails. How can love be tough?”

Well my friend, you must not have grown up in Texas. We like our love like we like our jerky - tough and salty.

Most often, the phrase “tough love” is used in one of two situations. First, and maybe most commonly, is in regards to parenting. Parents who are strict disciplinarians talk about extending tough love to their child. So punishments like spanking, grounding, removing privileges' and/or adding labor or chores might be considered tough love. There is a too many parenting articles on this sort of parenting style that I do not need to toss my two cents in on this.

The second way tough love is used is when you have to tell someone that may be difficult to say, but it will be tough for the other to hear. The idea behind this is that there is some sort of “truth” the one extending “tough love” is bringing to the attention to the receiver of the tough love. There may be tears or anger, but that is what makes it tough to hear. Tough love.

As a Texan, I am a big fan of tough love. In fact, I think that Jesus was an honorary Texan because I think he too placed a premium on tough love. But I believe that even my fellow Texans are using tough love wrong.

The way that tough love is practiced is that it is the “other” who will have a tough time. The toughness is externalized to the one extending love. And this is where tough love is misunderstood.

When we are in conflict with someone who we really think is going the wrong way. When someone betrays us, spits in our face, runs away, wishes us dead, or is heading the wrong way - Christ says we are still to love them.

And loving “them” is really, really tough.

Because they are jerks and sinners. They are stubborn and unrepentive. They are defiant and self-centered. They don’t care about how their actions impact others and they are so narcissistic they really believe the world is all about them. It is tough to love “those” people.

And this is why I think that God in Christ practices tough love. Even as Christ hung on the cross, he extended compassion and forgiveness.

That is tough like a Texan.

That is tough love.

Success Is for An Other

I was visiting with a friend of mine the other week and he use the words accomplishment and successful interchangeably. He wanted to be more successful in life so that he could provide for his family. This struck me as notable because my friend is in his mid 30’s and is already making decent money. He is more than providing for his family.

This exchange reminded me that success is always for another person, an other. You can be the richest person in the world and still not feel successful, because there is another’s approval you are seeking. And it is not until that “other” sees you as successful that you feel successful. My friend did not feel successful (even though by all standards he is) because he is trying to prove he is successful to an other. We spent the rest of the time exploring who the “other” person is.

If success is for an other, then accomplishment is for your self. When we brag about our accomplishments, we really are in the realm of seeking the approving eye of the “other”. Put simply, talking about our accomplishments means we are seeking success.

Jesus talk about two types of prayer. The one who prays on the street corner and the one who prays in the private room with the door closed. Jesus casts shade on the one who prays in the public square (for they have received their reward Jesus says). Jesus instructs us to pray in private with the door closed and the work of prayer will be accomplished. Accomplished prayer is not for an “other” who is always disappointed in how often or the depth of your prayers. If we feel that we are not good enough or not comfortable praying, we may be seeking the approval of an other. We may be seeking success.

Let me be clear, many of us are motivated to be successful, but we must be aware to whom the success is directed. While success is done for someone, accomplishment is done on behalf of someone. And this is the intersection of compassion and achievement. When we accomplish something we do so on behalf of another.

My friend wants to be successful to provide for his kids, but what he was describing was a desire to provide things for his kids that they could not do for themselves. His kids are too little to get a paycheck and “produce” things for the world. He works and meets goals in his work on behalf of his kids - this is what motivates him to work hard. His compassion and love for his kids drive him forward to accomplish goals.

God is not very successful, but God is very accomplished. There is no “other” that God is working to impress or woo over. God is able to rest at on the seventh day because of all that was accomplished, those seeking success shun rest or see it as a way to be more productive. Jesus said on the cross “it is finished”, which is something you only say when you accomplish something. Those are seek success are never content with being finished.