Christianity is less a journey and more unrest

In college I had a notebook that I kept with questions and quotes. The blue ink contrasts with the yellowing paper and in college I had legible enough handwriting to make out the following question:

I am tired of the metaphor of a journey. Is there any other metaphor that can be used to describe the life of faith?

Even then I found the idea of Christianity as a journey to be somewhat accurate but also boring and overused. Clearly the metaphor works, but it also is limited. It suggests that we are always moving in our life of faith. I have not experienced. I have experienced long bouts of stagnation and even moving backwards. The journey metaphor not only suggests that forward or deeper is better, but also that the journey is a means to an end. It suggests the destination is more important or valuable than the journey itself. Who goes on a trip and talks about the journey unless the journey to get there was fraught with trouble, delays or mishaps.

We want to “arrive” and “get there”, and when there is a delay, it is something to bemoan. No one beholds a delay in a journey.

I just about gave up on the searching for an alternate metaphor when I came across a gem from Soren Kierkegaard who said:

The Celtic Christian tradition imagines the Holy Spirt like a wild goose. Talk about unrest!

“Christianity is the most intensive and strongest form of unrest thinkable. Christ’s coming is intended to disturb life. Where one want to become Christian, there will be unrest; and where one has become a Christian, there unrest follows.”

Christianity is unrest. That sounds more true to me than a journey.

Often times people turn to religion when they experience unrest. The idea is that religion will provide a sense of control or comfort. If I say the right prayers or go to worship then things will work out better for me. The reality is that in Christianity, unrest is a feature and not a bug. It is the unrest that follows Christian conversion that is key and different from other religions.

Other religions (and even shallow Christianity) suggests that the faithful will be able to remove unrest from their life. But authentic Christianity puts unrest at the center of the tradition. It is the unrest that drives us to reach out into the world to care for others. If we were content and “rested” we would not go out into the world and possibly upset our ease and comfort. Unrest comes with Christianity because Christianity forces us to confront the internal and external sin in our lives.

The unrest of Christianity is the itch. It is the very thing that pulls us to our knees in confession that we are not God and that we are in need. As the Amma Synkletike said, “Just as a vessel cannot be built without nails, so it is impossible to be saved without humble-mindedness.” The gift of unrest provides access to humility.

And so, if you are among the unrested of the world, give thanks for this gift from God. And if you are rested, then let us pray that God may give us the gift of unrest. As the desert story goes:

Abba Poemen told a story of Abba John the Short that he asked God for his passions [struggles] to be removed from him. God granted this prayer and Abba John became one without a care. Going to a teacher, John said, “I see myself satiated, with no battle to fight.” The teacher said to John “Go and beseech God for the struggles to come upon you because it is through struggling that the soul makes progress.” The struggle returned, and John no longer prayed for it to be taken away. Instead Abba John prayed, “Lord, give me patience in the struggles.”

I Don't See Demons

I am now 38 years old, on my way to obtaining a doctorate, father of two, co-pastor of a wonderful church, and one who is categorized as progressive to post-liberal and I confess that I believe in real demons. I have for years now.

The bad news is that the demons don’t reveal themselves to me.

The worse news is that they don’t have to.

Years ago one Christian, Abraham, asked his teacher, Poemen, about how the demons fight. It is assumed that Abraham desired to know how the demons fought in order to defeat the demons himself. Sort of a “know thy enemy” approach.

When Poemen heard the question, he was shocked. Poemen was shocked to hear that the demons actually fight Abraham. One might be tempted to think that Poemen was a liberal “enlightened” Christian who did not believe in demons and was trying to teach the student that in fact there are no such things as demons. Rather, Poemen was shocked to hear that Abraham thought he was worthy enough for the demons’ time.

Poemen knew there are only a limited number of demons and so they have to be judicious in how they spend their energy. They have to pick fights with people who are real threats to the kingdom of division and injustice. Poemen knew Abraham well enough to know that Abraham was not a real threat to the demons so they would not spend resources to fight him. According to one translation Poemen’s response was:

Is it the demons who attack you? It is not the demons who attack me. When we follow our self-will then our will seem like demons and it is they who urge us to obey them. If you want to know the kind of people with whom the demons fight, it is Moses and those like him.’

I am like Abraham, I think that I am struggling against demons of fear, anger, lust, hatred and division. If only this were true! The reasons I don’t see demons is that I am not worth their time. I am distracted enough fighting with my own will that I don’t need any help from demons to pull me from the love, mercy and forgiveness of God. I am doing a fine job on my own.

I believe in demons and they are alive and well in this world. They torment my fellow sisters and brothers who are very real threats to the kingdom of division and injustice. I pray for those who threaten the work of the kingdom of division and injustice because they are very much under attack. Those who are helping to usher in the Kingdom of Mercy and Justice - those are who the demons spend their time tormenting. These are the ones who are helping to usher in the Kingdom of God:

Patrisse Khan-Cullors, Alicia Garza, Opal Tometi, William Barber, Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove, Liz Theoharis, Ibram X. Kendi… or as Poemen described them those like Moses.

As for me, I am so bound to following my own will that my first action is to repent so to learn the will of God. That means I need to listen less to my own mind and more to those like Moses.

One day I hope to see a demon because then I will know that I am a real threat to the kingdom of division and injustice.

Lord have mercy.

Not Wanting to Know that We Know

The brothers came to Antony and said to him, “Tell us: How are we to be saved?” The old man said to them, “You have heard the Scriptures. That should teach you how.” But they said, “We want to hear from you, too, Father.” Then the old man said to them, “The Gospel says: If anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also” (Matthew 5:39). They said, “We cannot do that.” The old man said, “If you cannot offer the other cheek, at least allow one cheek to be struck.” “We cannot do that, either,” they said. So he said, “If you are not able to do that, do not return evil for evil,” and they said, “We cannot do that, either.” Then the old man said to his disciple, “Prepare a little brew of corn for these invalids. If you cannot do this, or that, what can I do for you? What you need is prayers.”

This translation of this desert story is found in The Wisdom of the Desert Fathers and Mothers, There is a lot going on in this story, however what stands out to me is the line “we want to hear from you, too, Father.” These seekers ask a question but Antony says these seekers know the answer. The seekers seem to pretend they do not like or understand the answer they know from the scriptures, so they ask Antony for an answer.

Antony tells them that they know the answer - it is in the scriptures. He goes on to share with them the things they already know (turn the cheek, forgive, do not repay evil for evil). But they feign an inability to do such things.

The seekers know the answer, but they do not want to know that they know. As long as they can pretend to not know the answer, the longer they can hold out hope that there is some other, more palatable, answer out there.

So Antony says what the seekers really need is prayer. Not prayer for salvation, but prayer that they may come to accept what they already but refuse to know.

This is a function of prayer. Prayer helps us come to terms with what we know but we don’t want to know that we know. It is the tool God gives for us to face the truths we know but pretend to not know, in the hope that there is some other, more palatable, answer out there.

We often know what we seek. We often do not want to know that we know it.

Prayer changes us because it revels to us what we know. We no longer pray for that which we know that we know.

No wonder so many of us resist prayer. We are not unlike the seekers. We do not want to know that we know.