Some days I don't want to be a Christ follower

Most days I love being a christ follower

But some days I don't want to follow Christ. Some days I am sure that I am not up to the task. Some days I feel I am doing more harm than good and do not want to disappoint Christ or my neighbors. Some days I just do not want to deal with my own fear and doubts and anxiety and only want to run away. Some days I am convinced I am doing it all wrong and I am just not cut out for this whole thing. Some days I feel like there cannot be much good news to share. Some days I resonate with Peter who denied Jesus three times because some days I think that is just a smart thing to do to "keep the peace."

Manudy Thursday and Good Friday are usually some of those days.

Today I do not want to be a Christ follower because of the demands and expectations Jesus gives with his new commandment to love. I do not think I can do it very often and some days I want to just stay in the boat cut off from the call of Jesus.

Some days I do not want to follow Christ because I know where he calls me, and dying is not something I tend to want to do.

Some days I pray the day will be like most days. And some days turn to most days, but some days do not.

I wonder what today will become?