My young adult has left the Church (part 1)

This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

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Over the past many months I have been approached by several parents of young adults who have, in some form or fashion, rejected the Church or the Christian religion in some form. I am sure it is because I am of the same cohort of their child or because I am a minister or these parents love their child or (more likely) a combination of reasons, these wonderful parents ask for guidance. After many conversations with parents who tell me the same story (albeit with different characters and little nuances) it has given me cause to write down what I have been sharing with these parents. This is not a formula on "how to get your kid back in church". Nor is it by any means going to be 100% effective in all situations, but generally speaking, I have found these steps to be a good starting point for these parents (or so they have shared with me).

1) If you have a child who is leaving church or religion, do not panic. This may be difficult to do in the moment, but panic is a reaction and in a "status update/twitter" world, reactions are all young people get and know how to fuel (with more shock). Do not panic.

This might be enough for right now. Check back in two days and I will post the other actions I have found to be helpful for adults who find themselves at a loss with their young adult.

14 Things Older Leaders Should Know About Younger Leaders part 2

I did not write this, but I want to share it with not only the older leaders of the Church but also for the younger leaders of the church.  Also for anyone who has ever entered into Church.

I am going to pull a few of the points from the original post and add some comments. 

6. Not willing to wait. Young leaders are ambitious and passionate about making a difference now. Not willing to wait their turn. They want to influence now. Evidence of this is the explosion of church planters in the last 4-5 years. Reality is you are never really “ready” for anything. Some say that you should wait until you are “mature” enough to pursue certain things in life. But we’re never really ready, are we? At 22, I didn’t think I was ready. At 25, I didn’t think I “knew” enough. As my friends from the UK would say…“Rubbish!”

In a post 9-11 world, many young people have a very strong understanding of how quickly life can be taken from us.  Which is why in many ways young church leaders are not willing to wait for a lot of things in life.  This is only re-enforced with the "instant" world we find ourselves in, but more that that it is a healthy understanding that life is fragile and to sit around and wait for things to happen when we could actually do things right now, even if they are not perfect, is something that really gets on young church leaders.  

7. See social justice as the norm. Leaders who care about the poor and lean into causes and see the social gospel as a key ingredient to following Christ are no longer seen as the exception. Young leaders see taking care of the poor and sharing the Gospel as BOTH crucial to the advancement of the Church and of God’s Kingdom. Twenty-somethings, I believe, are and will continue to become more balanced in their pursuit of both. They don’t have to be one or the other.

Micah 6:8 theology is not only deeply rooted in young church leaders, but it also connects to the idea that life is short. As such, we ought to be working, in the words of John Wesley, to "do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can to all the people you can, as long as ever you can."  Mission is the new norm, even in worship.  

14 Things Older Leaders Should Know About Younger Leaders

I did not write this, but I want to share it with not only the older leaders of the Church but also for the younger leaders of the church.  Also for anyone who has ever entered into Church.


I am going to pull a few of the points from the original post and add some comments. 


2. Willing to work together. Twenty- and thirty-somethings are more willing to collaborate than any other generation before. They trust each other. Really. And see collaboration as the starting point, not some grandiose vision of teamwork that is far off in the distance. Collaboration is now the norm. It’s hard to believe, but it’s true- young leaders don’t care who gets the credit. For the next generation- it’s way less about WHO and way more about WHAT.

While this is a bit rosy of a picture, I am going to have to agree with this comment/observation.  Most of the young adult church leaders I encounter are in a constant state of healing from allowing the church to break our hearts.  Most of the time these heartbreaks come from un-wanted egos of others dominating the Church in a way that leads to divisive leadership and a cementing of the Church in a dead custom that is masked as "tradition".  I cannot tell you how many times we share ideas with one another and how few of us get really get credit.  

3. Generosity and sharing are the new currencies of our culture. In business, relationships, networks, platforms, technology, distribution, content delivery, etc., open source is the new standard. This new wave of leaders has tools/resources such as Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, Flickr, Instagram, and tons more social media tools that make influencing much more readily available and easier than ever before. The currency with all of these social mediums is being generous. Sharing your ideas, sharing links, sharing friends, sharing networks. This is a complete paradigm shift from 30-40 years ago.

One of the things that I hope to help change in the Church is a movement away from being nice and move toward generosity.  Friendly means we are nice in as long as we are not troubled too much.  Generosity comes at great cost and expense of the generous one and it is these sacrifices which carry more weight in a world which we "millennials" feel there is an abundance for all.