My young adult has left the Church (part 1)
This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.
Over the past many months I have been approached by several parents of young adults who have, in some form or fashion, rejected the Church or the Christian religion in some form. I am sure it is because I am of the same cohort of their child or because I am a minister or these parents love their child or (more likely) a combination of reasons, these wonderful parents ask for guidance. After many conversations with parents who tell me the same story (albeit with different characters and little nuances) it has given me cause to write down what I have been sharing with these parents. This is not a formula on "how to get your kid back in church". Nor is it by any means going to be 100% effective in all situations, but generally speaking, I have found these steps to be a good starting point for these parents (or so they have shared with me).
1) If you have a child who is leaving church or religion, do not panic. This may be difficult to do in the moment, but panic is a reaction and in a "status update/twitter" world, reactions are all young people get and know how to fuel (with more shock). Do not panic.
This might be enough for right now. Check back in two days and I will post the other actions I have found to be helpful for adults who find themselves at a loss with their young adult.
John 20 and Ezekiel
When you read John 20:19-23 there are a couple of Old Testament stories that come to mind. The previous post looked at the Cain and Abel story. This post will look at how the John text seems to parallel Ezekiel 37.
Notice that Ezekiel is brought into a valley that is full of fear and death - much like the place where the disciples are. Notice that the bones and the disciples feel cut off and abandoned. Notice that it is a breath that brings the bones and disciples to new life. Notice that it is God that is the primary mover.
Could it be that the Gospel writer is finding meaning in the resurrection of Christ that is not just a "new" thing but something that is of the nature of God. New life and resurrection is what God does.
Death does not have the final word. Fear is banished. There is a restoration that will happen and you/I/we will not be left in a valley.
The breath of God animates and brings something both to dry bones and fearful disciples.
And so - receive the Breath and live.
Notice that Ezekiel is brought into a valley that is full of fear and death - much like the place where the disciples are. Notice that the bones and the disciples feel cut off and abandoned. Notice that it is a breath that brings the bones and disciples to new life. Notice that it is God that is the primary mover.
Could it be that the Gospel writer is finding meaning in the resurrection of Christ that is not just a "new" thing but something that is of the nature of God. New life and resurrection is what God does.
Death does not have the final word. Fear is banished. There is a restoration that will happen and you/I/we will not be left in a valley.
The breath of God animates and brings something both to dry bones and fearful disciples.
And so - receive the Breath and live.
Ordination Questions
What changes has the practice of ministry had on your understanding of:
1) The “Lordship of Jesus Christ”
Throughout my undergraduate and Seminary careers I was exposed to the idea that the early notion of Jesus Christ as Lord was a very political statement. In the first century, to say that Jesus Christ was Lord is not only a personal conviction but was also to say that Caesar is not Lord. To deny the Lordship of Caesar was to be against the State of Rome and to be against the State of Rome meant certain death. Thus to proclaim Jesus Christ as Lord was to literally put your life in danger. While American Christians today no longer have the fear of death looming over our heads when we proclaim Jesus Christ Lord, there is still a very strong theological statement being made; a statement that has become clearer and stronger to me since my practice of ministry in the local church.[1]
Personally the Lordship of Jesus Christ has taken on a new level of intensity over the past several years. Jesus Christ as Lord means I am aware that I am not the Lord of my life and that I am dependant upon the Grace that comes from God through Christ by way of the Spirit. Not only am I dependant upon the Grace from the Lord Jesus Christ, but I am also very much aware of how Christ’s teachings and influence in my life change my thoughts and in many ways, dictate my actions. For instance, since Jesus Christ is Lord then I cannot affirm the ‘lordship’ of violence or scapegoating. I cannot affirm the ‘lordship’ of blaming victims for their situation. I cannot affirm the use of guns and hate to resolve any problem. Jesus Christ as Lord means that I am to use the Way of Christ to confront evil in the world. The Lordship of Christ means I place a higher premium on the power of Love and Forgiveness. To be honest this is a difficult position to be in while I am located in the conservative state of Texas
Communally, the Lordship of Jesus Christ has also taken a new level of intensity over the past several years. For instance, I have found that to proclaim Christ as Lord is to also call into question some of the social norms and mores of our community. Thus worship on Sunday may not be dedicated to “feeling good” or primarily focused on creating ‘nice citizens’ who do not disrupt the peace. Rather the proclamation of Jesus as Lord means that worship is first and foremost about God and God’s action in the world in Jesus Christ by way of the Spirit. This sometimes leads to a prophetic call to action or a contemplative posture of silence, neither of which necessarily fosters ‘nice citizens’. When Jesus Christ is Lord on a community level, then we are to take seriously that sometimes we will be counter-cultural or at the very least ‘”look different” from others.
2) The work of the Holy Spirit
The work of the Holy Spirit was something I did not take too seriously during Seminary. It seemed too “weird” or just not “rational” and thus could not be trusted as a reliable source of change. Additionally the Holy Spirit was something that was reserved for the “Holy Roller” Christians and was something which was used to justify irrational behavior or downright bigotry. However, since working in the local setting my understanding and reliance upon the work of the Holy Spirit has dramatically changed. As odd as it seems to me to write this, I used to firmly believe that I could do everything. Literally, I felt like with enough elbow grease, knowledge and charm I could do anything in a Church. This was my world until the day in which it was obvious to me that I could not do much of anything on my own. When I find a ministry or idea being stalled or obstructed, nice times out of ten it is the result of my inability to trust and rely upon the work of the Holy Sprit. I have become patient these past several years in the local church. I have seen people change their positions and postures by the work of the Holy Spirit. I have even taken my trust in the Holy Spirit into worship by instituting dialogue sermons in which I allow time for personal testimony or witnessing by lay members. Within the political structure of the Church I have found the work of the Holy Sprit to be something which continues to be a source of surprise and wonder.
[1] It is my hope that my statements will not in any way be understood as a diminishment of the sacrifice of the martyrs and Saints of the past. However it is my hope that I might be able to understand this statement in a post-colonial and post-modern context.
Be the change by Jason Valendy is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.