My young adult has left the Church (part 4)

This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

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Of the three issues which keep coming up in conversation with those who might be considered "deChurched" the first one I wanted to address is the most fundamental, but perhaps the least controversial of the three (especially as I listen to Christians talk about these three issues).

Again, the list to consider is:

1) God image (who or what is God like).

2) Issues of theodicy (why there is evil in the world).

3) Pluralism issues (is any religion the only way to a relationship with God).

It can be argued that our God image shapes the way we each see and interact with the world. For those who view God as one who sets boundaries and enforces edicts, those same people might view the world as a place that boundaries need to be set and edicts need to be enforced. For those who view God as boundary breaking and inclusive to all, those same people might view the world as a place that boundaries need to be shattered and inclusion is to be highly valued and sought after. These are general statements but I would be willing to bet that the way you see the world to the way you interact with neighbors to the way you view the role of governments even to the way you respond in a crisis are all impacted and connected to the way you see God.

Our world is shaped by the way we see God (and by the way, when I say God I understand that it is difficult for me to talk about God outside my own God images). When a person who take the agnostic or atheist position, at least in my experience, generally has a God image that many people who affirm the reality of God also have. When I encounter someone who is a vowed atheist or agnostic I generally ask them about how they view God. Sometimes I put the question in the negative, "Tell me about the God you do not believe in." Getting people (all people) to talk about their God image is not only a great starting point to engage conversation but, and perhaps more importantly, hearing God images is the source of much bridge building between people.

For instance, I recently had a conversation with a person who was agnostic. She had a wonderful story to tell and I was captivated by it. In the course of the conversation she said, "I just do not think the God is looking down on us all keeping track of our wrongs. I just think God is more like the love that connects me to others."

To her surprise (I think) I said, "I agree with you. In fact that view of God is often called 'panentheism' and is upheld by many Christian teachings and doctrines. It is how I often view God."

She sat there for a moment and said, "I thought Christians had to believe that God was 'up there' (pointing upward to the sky) and you have to believe that in order to avoid 'down there' (pointing down to the floor)."

By affirming her God image and rooting her image in a tradition of thought that was beyond her knowledge - panentheism - made her feel less "out there" with her thoughts and in many ways 'normalized' her feelings and gave a sense of confidence. She and I walked away with a bridge that we both could walk on, albeit she is still a vowed agnostic at this point.

Bottom line, by talking about and addressing our own God images we can build bridges between those who are "other" because more often than not - we all have overlapping God images in some way.

My young adult has left the Church (reengaging the conversation)

This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

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Over the course of this conversation I have heard from many people who were in the Church and then through a number of things (unresolved questions, irrational logic, inability to reconcile ideas, frustration with "church folk" or religion, etc.) which have become too much for many people and they have left the Church. Many people are labeling this group the "deChurched" (which by the way we all know labels have a number of limitations which are not going to be considered at this time but they are noted in the back of my mind).

The "deChurched" group is really the group which I feel called to focus much energy toward. Not to "reclaim" them as "lost souls", but to seek a relationship with this group of people and learn what it is about the Christian faith they have rejected. As I listen to some of the "deChurched" I hear three things that seem to keep coming up that seem to be the stickiest of the sticky points.

1) God image (who or what is God like).

2) Issues of theodicy (why there is evil in the world).

3) Pluralism issues (is any religion the only way to a relationship with God).

I know there are many issues and there are many others who have taken these issues on in more in depth ways I wanted to focus the conversation here on this blog to these three issues which keep coming up in many of the conversations I have with people from the "Unchurched" to the "Churched" to the "deChurched".

SIDE NOTE - If you are interested, Brian Mclaren's book "A New Kind of Christianity" takes on 10 questions where I have only selected 3. It was a wonderful read and one which forces the Christian reader to de-construct our faith in order to find our roots. I recommend it for all Christians and any non-Christians who may be interested in learning more about a Christian faith which may take more seriously the questions than other expressions of Christian faith.

So, without getting to far into it, the next three posts are going to look at these above topics in a very surface way in order to engage a conversation with any community of readers that stumble upon this blog.

My young adult has left the Church (part 3)

This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

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Engage in authentic conversations. The life stage of adolescents is a time which we all begin to recognize many of the hypocrisies of the world and we begin to get that healthy dose (sometimes an overdose) of cynicism. And as young adults begin to deal with more and more cultural influences of cynicism, there is a longing for that which is authentic and real. The recent years rise of all things zombie, vampire, fantasy and magical and the ever closing gap of flesh and bone and computer animation, are all cultural clues that we are all struggling with the question "what is reality?". (see The Matrix, Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind, What the Bleep do we know, to name a few movies). With the question of what is real hovering over our heads like a spaceship in the movie Avatar, we are moving deeper toward a desire to grasp onto anything that is "real" and hold onto that for dear life. For instance, pain and death are realities and many young people are deeply drawn to the macabre and the violent. I do not think this means we young people are demented, rather, we are grasping for and holding onto that which we know is real and will not change - pain and death. There are other things which are realities which do not change, such as new life and the power of nature. This might be why many young people I talk with are also drawn to movements life: pro-life, anti-war, green, etc.

In light of many of the cultural influences and nudges, the desire for something real and with meaning, something authentic, something without agenda or alternative motives, is missing in the world of the young adult. This is where the Church has a great gift to share!

Engaging in authentic conversations means listening to your young adult, yes, but it also is an active action. That is listening is one thing, but asking clarifying questions, truly trying to understand their story, shedding our own plastic masks is also a large part of authentic listening. Ask questions that force your young adult to try to put specific language to what they feel or think, but not in an attempt to trap or persuade them. The intent in these conversations is to be in conversation. When we in conversation with someone who respects you and feels like they are heard and you are not trying to force you to be something, is a formula for Grace to be shared. And, really that is what we should be about - sharing Grace.

As you engage in authentic conversation with young adults you will build that relationship and that is all you can really do. Once you have that relationship you and I have hope and faith that God will move and work for whatever helps that young person become an agent of Grace in this world.

So to recap:

Don't Panic.

Share your Story.

Engage in authentic conversation.

Allow the Grace of God through the Spirit to become realized.