My young adult has left the Church (part 1)

This is a little series of posts I put out in 2010, at the time they were helpful for a number of people, I hope that continues to be true today.

---

Over the past many months I have been approached by several parents of young adults who have, in some form or fashion, rejected the Church or the Christian religion in some form. I am sure it is because I am of the same cohort of their child or because I am a minister or these parents love their child or (more likely) a combination of reasons, these wonderful parents ask for guidance. After many conversations with parents who tell me the same story (albeit with different characters and little nuances) it has given me cause to write down what I have been sharing with these parents. This is not a formula on "how to get your kid back in church". Nor is it by any means going to be 100% effective in all situations, but generally speaking, I have found these steps to be a good starting point for these parents (or so they have shared with me).

1) If you have a child who is leaving church or religion, do not panic. This may be difficult to do in the moment, but panic is a reaction and in a "status update/twitter" world, reactions are all young people get and know how to fuel (with more shock). Do not panic.

This might be enough for right now. Check back in two days and I will post the other actions I have found to be helpful for adults who find themselves at a loss with their young adult.

"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid..."

When I was a kid one of the best movies my friends and I watched was a movie with Tom Hanks entitled, Big. This movie was about a boy who made a wish and the next day he woke up looking like an adult. He was "Big". Reflecting on the movie as this point in my life, "Big" is a story about adolescents desire to be adults.

This narrative seems to have been a common theme throughout time - kids desiring to be adults.

That is until now.

My wife and I rented "17 Again". This is a movie about an adult who desires to be, well, 17 again.

This really got me thinking about the current cultural trend to extend adolescence. Graduates go to college with their high school clicks. Botox is still uber popular. Everyone desires to be younger than they are. Many movies, especially comedies, are sophomoric and geared for the teenage male.

Could this be the first time in history that we adults would rather be kids than adults?

If our culture idolizes our adolescent who are the adults going to be?

Unimportant times when I feel the universe and I are on the same page...

When I find what I am looking for.


When I type something without any spelling errors.


Biting into a crisp apple.


Perfect pumps of gasoline.


Anytime Haribo gummy bears are on sale.

Exact change.


In adolescent development thinking the universe is in line with you as a special individual is known as a "personal fable". I know we all have these feelings at some point in our lives. It is anytime we feel the universe is trying to tell you something in a unique and special way.

For instance, one time my friend and I were talking about buying a lotto ticket. We were just kidding around but then we heard the song "Beautiful Day" by U2. No big deal. We were driving to soccer practice and was talking about the lotto again, and again "Beautiful Day" came on the radio. We took it as a sign and pulled over and bought two lotto tickets. We lost. But anytime we heard "Beautiful Day" by U2 we thought we should by a lotto ticket. To this day I still fight the urge.

Anyone else feel this "personal fable" effect in their lives?